Oh boy!

Deja vu

There is a street I drive through every day on my way home from work. It is a street flanked by two rows of pre-WWII shop houses and bisected by an elevated subway track. It is also a street that takes me at least 20 minutes to drive through despite being 100 meters long (330 feet) -- this is what happens when you combine inconsiderate drivers with bad city planning. Every day, I sit in traffic on this street and the only thing that keeps me sane is the flashback I get of Philadelphia, New York and DC and how comfortable I felt being surrounded by disgruntled life in a city that seemed as if it was filled to bursting. It is a street I have always wanted to show you but couldn't, that is, until I got my first camera phone last week. Watch out, KL!

And for you Planet Unicorn watchers, there's now ambrosia in cookies! My ambrosia salad tastes like chocolate. Mmmmm....

Asian Morality

Not enough has been said of Singapore's recent decision to uphold Section 377A of the Penal Code despite efforts by prominent Singaporeans to repeal it. The decision serves a blow not just to LGBT rights in Singapore but to the SE Asia region (with the exclusion of Thailand) as well because Singapore is seen as the bellwether for its neighbors. When secular Singapore decides to uphold 377A, Muslim dominated Malaysia and Indonesia will see no reason to discuss the matter. They will reason that if a secular SE Asian nation cannot find support to repeal the act (which exists in a similar form in Malaysia and Indonesia), then it will fail to achieve significance in their country as well.
The discussion in the Singaporean Parliament was, as usual, rife with doublespeak. PM Lee Hsien Loong's call to allow LGBT individuals (but more specifically gays) to have a place in society and live unharassed private lives was negated by his decision to keep the draconian act.
PM Lee and his supporters fail to see that by criminalizing homosexuality, the Singaporean parliament sends a message to Singaporeans that LGBT individuals are fair game for both government and society. It sends a message to employers that it is all right to fire an employee if someone see him walk into a gay bar. It sends a message to constituents that gay men are inferior to the rest of society and cannot hold a political post. It sends a message to the school bully who sees it as validation for taunting the 'faggot' in his class. PM Lee fails to see that by repealing the act he doesn't allow gays to "set the tone for Singapore society" but by upholding it, he allows homophobes to do just that.
On the bright side, some proponents of the repeal have found success despite the decision. The discussion in the Parliament was the first discussion regarding homosexuality, a breakthrough in sex-averse Singapore. Furthermore, it allowed LGBT individuals to come out of the woodwork in the public sphere for the first time and show heterosexual Singaporeans that the perceptions of LGBT individuals as child molesters were false.
It's a sad week for many of us but the battle is uphill from here. The conversation must go on.

Eureka!

I've finally realized why I don't write in this blog as much anymore -- I've been 'integrated'. The novelty of being back in KL has worn off so I don't feel the need to write that you-have-to-see-it-to-believe-it-this-is- crazy post about quirky Malaysia. Now, instead of running home to write about my parents' friends asking me how much I earn or cars parked on sidewalks, I shrug and think "well, this is too ordinary to write in my blog" so I don't.

Whiny Will

I really would like to write a positive blog post, something that has that cheerleader rah-rah, i-can-do-it feel but it's hard to be upbeat when in the span of a week, I've broken my new pair of contact lenses, found two nails in my flat tire and scraped the side of my car as I navigated around a difficult corner. To make matters worse, I think I've lost Language too -- it took me five minutes to type this first paragraph.
They say what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger but I'm not going to make any cliche statements like that anytime soon. Yes, I'm still alive but every time I get out of the car, I make sure that my tires remain nail-free. I probably could win an award for being Malaysia's slowest driver but only because I never want to hear that sickening, hollow thud of car against concrete again.
Perhaps the only thing I can say about all this is that I'm learning about myself and discovering the things that I am certain about (not many) and things that I would like to be certain about. This week, I re-learned to say no and to insist on getting my way. I've become certain that there are people that I can count on when I'm in a jam but I would like to be certain about my own abilities in handling tough situations.
Sometimes, I think it's hard to live in a place where everyone is ultra-confident because failure has never obstructed their progress or if it has, it's only made them more resolute about success. What I need to happen in KL is a big cry club where I can feel like it's all right to have bad days or to make mistakes. What I need is really a good Oprah episode and lots of ice cream.

Home fires

I've fired the first shot in a new round of conflict with my parents -- I told them I was thinking of moving out. A friend of a friend is moving into his new condo somewhere on the other side of KL and asked me if I wanted to live with him (he knew I was passively looking for a place). Today, I drove the entire length of KL to see the new digs and I'm still not sure where I stand on this but I don't know if my thoughts or feelings count here. My dad is already against the idea on practical grounds -- "Why pay someone rent when you can own?" -- so he's undertaking an apartment search on my behalf. What I'm afraid of is that my parents will sell our current house when they retire in the country next year. Ideally, I would love to live here in the house I grew up in, where the pencil marks measuring my vertical progression are still visible on the door frames and the neighbors have remained unchanged in 25 years but I know one thing for certain and that is I cannot live with my parents.

Reality Sets In

Well, I've returned from my honeymoon high and now that I've gone and started the eight to seven grind all I can think is "Shit, what have I done?" My first week at work was rather disastrous -- I've been put in a cubicle and given the vaguest of directions to learn as much as I can about financing. For the past five days, I have been reading about options pricing and share premiums, scrutinizing balance sheets and income statements and reading about debentures, treasuries, revolving credit and the like but all I've gained from that is this huge anxiety that I know so little in an industry that prizes encyclopedic knowledge and razor sharp analysis.
I'm trying me best to impress but I do think (perhaps legitimately) that everyone is wondering how I got the job and if I suddenly woke up one day and decided to become an investment banker, an Elle Woods in KL. It seems like everyone at the office tries to dumb things down for me and I fumble at every situation I get to prove myself which is really frustrating. I hope conditions improve next week.